would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
