i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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