I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
