Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
