You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
