So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize