Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
