Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
