My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
