so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
sarcasm needs its own font
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize