Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
