Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
