Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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