Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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