mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
