Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
