didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
