Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
