this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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