i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
