So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
