the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
