I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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