I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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