Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
