what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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