There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
