1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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