Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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