Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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