Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
