I faked an abortion last night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
