I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
