finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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