where am i from again
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize