Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
