they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
