Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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