Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
