I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
