Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
