guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
