I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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