Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
