You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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