I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
