Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize