in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
