shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
