Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
