The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
