so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is Oprah even human
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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