dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
