Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
