My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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