that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
