We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
