Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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