I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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