woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am available for nakedness
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
