I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
